Devastation Gives in the Boo

from The History of a Nervous Path by Josh Belville



i thought
life was getting easy
now that
i am in my thirties
but i'm
still a
floundering man

there's no
other way to say it
waves try to erode it
but i'm
at my

there's always something buzzing
in the back of my mind
why can't i just be happy?
oh, i'm bursting with decay
why can't this feeling just go away?

there's no
end to this delusion
i go
where i see illusion
steep my
brain in
fictional worlds

dark is
my bedroom at all times
songs with some half-assed rhymes
i'm dead

please don't complete this sentence
don't ever tell me the odds
call the cops if i stop breathing
oh, the sunset looks okay
but why can't this feeling go away?

i'm looking straight at you
when devastation gives in the boo

i tried
all my damnedest
to find
solace in this
(never the only one
always the lonely one though i know)

never called you boo
but i thought of you
when i wanted to
is a silent wall
in between us all
can't you hear it fall?
no mistaking, i'm
just a paradigm
who's run out of time
left a bag of bones
full of pheromones
and some cursed unknowns
looking for a sign
trying to unwind
this raveled road
i'm drowning on
dragging you along
letting go before
i find a way to
trap your mind

i've got a great life
i'm just sad all the time
all of my family loves me
i'm just sad all the time
i've got a perfect life
i'm just sad all the time
all of my friends adore me
i'm just sad all the time

(he's got a great life)
i'm just sad all the time
(all of his family loves him)
i'm just sad all the time

i'm alive
and i am numb with wanting
tell me who
tell me who i am
it's contrived
but i can't feel much feeling
tell me why
tell me why i can't
there are days
down in the cellar
where it's dark
and nothing wants to light
and there are nights
when i am restless
can't contain the desire fight

sunlight shines
into my dark bedroom
i arise
to greet the afternoon
not so fine
but adequately simple
i devise
a plan for my room
all the pieces
find a space
for every little thing
rest assured
that i will rend asunder
this decay
i will find a way

every step
finds me going forward
every breath
strengthens my attack
there's a boon
in picking a direction
heading out
and never looking back

there's a path
that winds around your ending
we all choose
to stick to it like glue
but i'm glad
that i could wrench myself free
when devastation
gave in the boo


from The History of a Nervous Path, released May 12, 2021
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